When you lose something you cannot replace
by Blnkmenow182
Summary: Songfic! Set to the song Fix You by Coldplay  Rated M for cursing and other not happy things. I apologize I really am horrible at summaries
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**_**:**__ Well hello there lovely's=]! Welcome to my first fan fiction EVER! Yes that's right, I'm a newbie. So please be gentle. When I first heard the song Fix You on Glee I fell in love. And was shocked that I hadn't heard it before. [I'm a closet Coldplay fan] When I listened to it again, this idea popped into my head. Yes my mind is a dark scary place occasionally, but usually it's filled with penguins and panda bears=] This will most likely be just a two shot but who knows, I may expand at some point. This first chapter is in Rachel's POV and next will be Quinn's. So sit back and enjoy=] Oh! By the way, I don't have a beta so if there are any mistakes they are all mine._

**Disclaimers: **_I do not own anything Glee. I just enjoy playing with the characters=]  
>Also have no rights to the song Fix You by Coldplay.<br>Basically the only things I do own are the laptop I'm typing this up on and a save the ta-tas bracelet. _

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

How is it that your day can go from normal to shitty in about 2.5 seconds? My day started out as it usually does. Woke up, had a protein shake for breakfast, ran the treadmill for 30 minutes, showered and got dressed for school. The unmistakable roar of my girlfriend's car sounded outside of my house about 10 minutes later. I grabbed my bag, yelled out a quick goodbye to my dads and skipped out the front door. As I slipped into the passenger seat, I automatically knew something was wrong and it put me on edge. "Quinn? What's wrong babe?" I asked as I looked at the blonde nervously. "Nothing Rach just tired that's all." She replied robotically, shooting me a smile that never reached her eyes. Not wanting to upset her I just nodded.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

The ride to school was silent except for the voice of Michael Buble drifting through the speakers. Quinn parked the car and shut the engine off. We sat there a few moments before Quinn finally spoke. "I don't know if I can this anymore Rachel." She spoke softly staring at the window and the raindrops that started splattering down on it. "Do what babe" I asked even though I knew the answer already. "Us." She whispered. The tears started to fall as soon as the word left her lips. "Baby plea-"I started. "Don't call me that! I'm having a hard enough time with this! Stupid fucking pet names are NOT helping!" She yelled, causing me to jump and the tears to fall faster. Not knowing what to say for once, I grabbed my bag and quickly exited the car. I ran to the building as fast as I possibly could. When I got to the front doors I looked back as Quinn's car. My girlfriend, no ex-girlfriend, still sat there staring at the seat I just vacated. I continued to watch her until she looked up and locked eyes with me. I quickly fled into the school and ran down the halls as fast as my legs could carry me. I barely registered all of my glee friends as they called out to me let alone stopped for them. I couldn't let her catch up, I just couldn't.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

I slipped into the girls bathroom, needing a moment to collect myself, silently cursing the fact that there wasn't a lock for the door. As I stood there splashing water on my face, I heard the door creak open. I looked up expecting it to be Quinn, instead Kurt and Mercedes were staring back at me. "Rachel what's going on?" Kurt asked cautiously. "Quinn, she, she broke up with me!" I started bawling again just as quickly as I had stopped. "Oh hell to the NO!" Mercedes yelled. "Where is that anorexic blonde bitch at? I'll beat her wannabe diva face in with my books!" I couldn't help but giggle at her reaction. "Mercedes violence isn't the answer. As Gandhi once said 'I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.' So beating up Quinn will, in the end, just cause more problems." "You do realize that Gandhi was actually a war monger right?" Kurt asked suddenly. "But she's right Mercedes, just more drama we don't need." Before anyone could say anything else the bell rang. We all said a hurried goodbye and went to our classes.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

As I walked into my first class and saw Quinn, it hit me that we have most of the same classes. The look on her face as I walked into the room proves that she had forgotten that little piece of info as well. I sat in my usual seat behind her and tried my hardest to concentrate. By third period I couldn't take it anymore. Watching her interact with everyone EXCEPT me was killing me. She even spoke to Jacob Ben "Jew fro" Israel before me! Not even the idea of Glee perked me up. Half way through my fourth class, I felt my hand shoot up in the air. "Yes Miss Berry?" "May I please have a pass to the nurse's office?" "Of course." My teacher replied. As I passed Quinn's desk I could feel her eyes watching me. I grabbed the pass and left the classroom. I walked into the nearest restroom and pulled my cell phone out of my bag and hit the second speed dial number. "Hello?" Hearing my dad's voice almost made me break down in tears again. "Hi dad, I'm not feeling very well, can you or daddy come get me?" "Of course sweetie I will be there in 10." I hung up and continued my trek to the nurse's office. I walked in and explained that I was ill and my dad was already on his way to get me. She made me sign in and I swore I heard her mumble something about "damn kids and their damn cell phones". I ignored her and waited for my dad to show.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally walked in. He thanked the nurse, signed me out and we walked through the building in silence. When we got to the parking lot, he finally spoke. "Well you look fine to me, so what's really wrong?" "Dad, I just feel sick, seriously." I muttered while climbing into his car. "Well fine, but the minute we get home you are going to bed and staying there" "Yes dad." I said rolling my eyes. I swear he treats me like I'm 8 rather than 18. "Also, your daddy and I are going out of town tonight for a last minute business trip. We will be gone for 4 days. No boys, no parties, and DEFINETLY NO parties with boys!" I shook my head at my father. He knew I was dating Quinn, so shouldn't he be worried about parties with girls? I of course did not mention that to him.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

We finally arrived home and I could smell the chicken soup the minute I walked into the house. I drifted into the kitchen and saw a big bowl of it sitting on the counter. My word I love my daddy. I inhaled the soup like it had the cure for cancer and everything else wrong with the world, then trudged upstairs to my room. Worst. Idea. EVER! Everywhere there were reminders of her. Pictures, letters, clothing, the smell of her perfume on my bed; it was all too much. But before I could even let one tear fall, I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and both of my dads were standing there. "Hi sweetie, we just wanted to say bye before we left." My daddy said pulling me into a hug. "Money is in the usual place and we'll call you when we land and anytime we can." My dad said stealing me into a lung crushing hug. "Cant. Breath." I gasped and he finally let go. "I love and will miss you both. Have a safe flight; see you when you get back." I watched them leave and turned back into my room. Yep, still the worst idea ever. Sighing I went and sat on my window seat, hoping to catch a glimpse of Quinn. My mind started to run amok with ideas of Quinn coming over and begging me to forgive her and be with her again. As the visions played in my head I watched her get out of her car laughing. And she wasn't alone. I looked on in shock as Finn Hudson climbed out of her passenger seat. I watched in horror as they laughed some more and walked into her house.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

Before I could get mad the crippling depression set in. She's already moved on? With Finn! Really? Finn? AUGHHH! I started crying and ripping down all the mementos I had. I cried and cried and cried some more until I ran out of tears. I walked down the hall to my dad's room, then into their master bathroom, and started a hot bath. Which brings me to now. I'm sitting on the edge of the tub texting Quinn.

Quinnie… I'm sorry for anything I did to make you decide this. Did I push too hard? Was I too clingy? Did you just decide I wasn't good enough? Whatever the reason, just know I am sorry. I realize I can't do this… and by this I mean live without you. You are… were… my everything. So this is me saying goodbye. I love you Quinn Fabray, more than I can ever put into words. Please tell my dads I love them and I am sorry. Hope Finn makes you happier than I did. I will always be watching over you –Rachel.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

After sending the text, I rummage through the medicine cabinet until I find what I am looking for. I pull out a pocket knife that my dads keep in there for opening this and that. I turn on the radio and slip into the hot water. This whole day as been one big cliché, why not make my suicide just as cliché. I laugh at how horribly pessimistic I sound. As I sit here a beautiful but almost haunting song comes on

**When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
>When you get what you want, but not what you need<br>When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
>Stuck in reverse<strong>

I listen to the lyrics and I glance over at the knife. I almost grab it and throw it across the room, but the next verse stops me.

**And the tears come streaming down your face  
>When you lose something you can't replace<br>When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
>Could it be worse?<strong>

When I hear those last two lines I grab the knife and hold it tightly in my hand. I'm crying so hard again that I can barely see.

**Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you**

I press the knife to my wrist. I push hard and slowly drag it down the skin of my forearm. I cry out at the biting pain I feel. But it almost feels… it feels kind of good. I drop the knife into the tub at this realization. Oh look at all the blood. Oh... oh my, I didn't anticipate so much blood. I start feeling light headed and queasy. The last thing I think before passing out is… I love you Quinn.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _I am sorry for how much shorter this is compared to the last chapter. I just didn't want to bore you with repeats. So yeah, this is Quinn's POV and whatnot. I hope you liked it. Like I said this is my first story so please don't be too mean. Please leave lots of reviews… non-bashing reviews…  
>Love Peace and Chicken Grease=]<em>

**Disclaimers: **_Still don't own anything to do with Glee or Coldplay._

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

Today has been, well to put it bluntly, a cluster fuck. I broke up with her. I can't believe it. Why did I do it? Because I'm terrified of these feelings? I'm fucked up in the head? I'm a glutton for punishment? I destined to be the crazy cat lady of the family? Whatever the reason or reasons, I let her go. When she left in the middle of fourth period I knew she was going home. The rest of the day was one big blur of faces, voices and classes. Not even glee was exciting enough to rouse me out of my funk. When Finn came up to me and hugged me tightly after everyone left the choir room, I finally broke down. He walked me out of the building and to my car still holding me. I slid into the driver's seat and he slid into the passengers. We turned on some happy go-lucky music and sang along to it as we drove to my house.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

We finally pulled into my driveway and it took everything I had not to glance back and look at her house. As I exited the car Finn said something so Finnish I couldn't help but laugh. He joined in with laughter of his own as we walked up the driveway and into the house. The rest of the time he was there we delved into ideas on how to get Rachel to forgive me and take me back. I didn't realize how attached I had gotten to her until she wasn't in my life anymore.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

Finn finally left and I glanced down at my phone and realized I had missed a text message from Rachel. As I read the message Fix You by Coldplay came on the radio. After reading it, it took me a moment to realize what I just read. And when I did, my whole body went cold.

**And high up above or down below  
>When you're too in love to let it go<br>But if you never try you'll never know  
>Just what you're worth<strong>

I was reading Rachel's suicide note. I reread the text again. Tears starting to fall as I did so.

**Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you**

Wait Finn? What did he have to do with this? Oh no. She saw us and assumed the worst. Dammit!

I drop my phone and just as the notes of the instrumental part of the song start to play I start running down the stairs, out the door, and onto the street. My feet are hitting the pavement hard enough to hurt. Puddles splashing all around me, I'm soaked but don't care I need to get to her before it's too late. I run up her steps and find the spare key. I unlock the door and run in yelling Rachel's name.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

I hear something drifting from upstairs. I start my way up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. I hear the familiar song drifting out of her father's bathroom. I run into their room and burst through the door of the bathroom. Oh my God… there is so much blood. It's everywhere. The harder, more desperate part of the instrumental pulls me out of my shock. I lurch forward grabbing the small girls body. She isn't as warm as she should be and I start to cry. I find the still bleeding gash and wrap it up in a clean washcloth. I pull her out of the tub and wrap her up in her father's robe as best as I can.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

I carefully run down the stairs, holding Rachel as close to me as I can. She's barely breathing and her pulse is almost nonexistent. I start to cry harder as I shove the garage door open and walk to the car. I get the back door open and store her in the backseat carefully. I grab the keys off the hook and slide into the driver's seat. I turn the engine on and the radio pops on. For the love of all good things and holy. This song is stalking me! I open the garage door, trying to will it to open faster. As soon as I hit the road I start driving as fast as I can without being noticed to the hospital. Glancing into the backseat as often as I can to see if she's woken up.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

10 minutes later I burst through the doors of the Emergence Room screaming. "Please! Someone help my friend! Please help her!" I plead to the crowd. Next thing I know there is a stretcher next to me and a couple of nurses are ripping Rachel's body out of my arms and wheeling her away.

**Tears stream down on your face  
>When you lose something you cannot replace<br>Tears stream down on your face  
>And I...<strong>

I sit in the hard plastic chairs and I do something that I haven't done since my father left; I pray. I pray for what seems like hours and eternity's piled on top of each other. I hear my name being called and it breaks my from my trance. I look up and a doctor is standing in front of me. "Miss Berry is stable and awake. Would you like to see her?" I jump up and nod quickly.

**Tears stream down on your face  
>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<br>Tears stream down on your face  
>And I...<strong>

I follow him down the hall. Why do hospitals have to be so damn bright? Bright lights reflecting off of white walls. It's enough to blind someone. We end up in front of her closed door and he tells me I can go ahead and go in. It takes me a few minutes to calm my nerves and get the courage to walk in. I finally push the door open and walk in.

**R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~ R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q R~Q~R~Q~R~Q~R~Q**

She's lying in her bed, connected to wires and tubes doing God only knows what. See her stare at me like she is makes all my calmness fly right out the window. I start crying and apologizing and begging her not to hate me. "Quinn, I love you far too much to hate you." She whispers as she pulls me into the hospital bed with her.

**Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones…<strong>

"I love you too Rachel. I promise to fix this. Fix us… me… **and I will try to fix you**."


End file.
